We have all been around good leaders and unfortunately some bad leaders. What qualities come to mind when you think of a good leader? For me it is someone who is patient, focused, not selfish and want to see you succeed. Someone who will teach you and cares. Someone who sees the potential you have and provides the encouragement and tools needed to help you find that potential in yourself. A bad leader in my opinion is the opposite of this. They bark orders, are selfish, unapproachable, have a “do what I say or else” mindset and never really teach you anything.
If you are anything like me, and have been in the working world or part of an organization your mind was flooded by personalities of men who fit the part of the two types of leaders I described above. Which ones do you respect more? Which ones would describe the type of father you are or want to be toward your children? Our kids need us to lead them while their young and to be an example of leadership as they mature.
When we take a minute to pause and truly reflect on the type of dad we are and the leadership skills we have it should make us strive to be a good leader. Especially when we see the way it impacts our children and the relationship we have with them. Our children are essentially a diamond in the rough and it is our responsibility as their father to help polish them into the person they are no matter the direction they choose. This is done through positive leadership and navigating them through ups and downs in their lives, and being there for them as a support and instilling in their character morals, values and integrity.
A good leader can also administer appropriate discipline when needed, and let’s face it kids are going to need discipline from time to time. Lack of discipline is not doing a child any favors and as a child grows lack of discipline will show in their behavior and actions. This needs to be done when the child is young because it will be less effective as they mature. Good leaders can identify teachable moments and use discipline as long as it’s done in love and not out of pure anger or frustration. A child needs to understand that our love is unconditional and cannot be turned on and off like a light switch. We are going to love them no matter the circumstance but certain behaviors will not be tolerated. We as fathers need to help set these boundaries for kids and enforce consequences if they choose to misbehave. When my girls were young I made it a point to not raise my voice (wasn’t perfect, but consciously tried to make an effort) unless I was correcting their behavior. They knew when dad raised his voice it must be serious and he meant business. Then I would always explain to them why that behavior was not appropriate and assured them I still loved them.
A good leader praises their children for a job well done and acknowledges their unique skills and talents. I think sometimes we see our kids as a “little us” and assume they will have the same interests that we do. We forget that they are unique individuals with their own interests. We can introduce them to our interests but it’s not a guarantee they are going to be as passionate about it as us. I never had any interest in dance or soccer, but my kids did so I as their father made sure they had the tools, encouragement and praise necessary do what they were passionate about. Our job is to encourage them to give it their all at whatever inspires them and to point out the talent they have been gifted with.
Leadership is a part of fatherhood that should not be overlooked. I believe positive change in our crazy word begins with good leadership in the home. We need men willing to put selfish attributes aside and invest time and energy into the betterment of their family and children. Be the change that you want to see in the world. Be the leader your kids deserve.
Forging Honor & Integrity Into Fatherhood 