Fatherhood PLAN

Provide, Lead, Available, Noble   

When you really want to accomplish something and do well it is always best to have a plan and not go into it totally blind. Going into or wanting to change the way we parent is no different. Societal expectations of the fatherhood role have changed a lot over the past century and seem to have been dumbed down and less valued in today’s world. I’ve personally seen the effects of fatherless homes and uninvolved fathers with the youth I have worked with in my career as a juvenile probation officer. The role of the father in the development of a child is just as equally important as the mother. I would never take away from the significance of the mother, their role is extremely vital and needed, but this article is going to focus on fatherhood and the example men need to convey to their children.

Provide

When we as men hear the word provide we automatically think of money and finances. Though this is an avenue of provision we’re obligated to deliver for the wellbeing of our children, it is really so much more and deeper than just providing material goods. However, with that being said we do need to be wise with our finances and develop skills to be able to provide fiscally, and budget accordingly to live within our means. Living outside our means puts additional stress on the family unit and can take away from the valuable time we can spend with our children because additional debt usually requires supplementary time making more money. I have found this is a balance that is hard to steady at times. Most of us want the best for our kids, and this is not necessarily wrong, but it becomes an issue when so much of your time is spent making money and not memories with your children. I’ve been there and have some regrets looking back. Missing games, plays, and school events are experiences that you can’t get back once they slip through your fingers. Even looking back in my childhood, I don’t necessarily remember certain gifts or material things, but I do remember family times more vividly and consider those more valuable than anything else. I don’t even have the material items anymore, there gone, but I do still have happy memories. Take time today to evaluate what is more important in your life and your children’s lives, and make adjustments today for what you really want tomorrow.

We additionally need to provide a loving and respectful environment where a child will feel safe and protected. This can be provided by keeping a calm demeanor even when the stress is mounting in our everyday lives. I’m not saying we should keep it bottled up inside until we explode, that’s not healthy for anyone and we all need an outlet. I am saying our children watch us and if we are anxiety filled, stressed out or upset that’s the mood that is going to be set in our homes. Believe it or not we as fathers set the tone for our households. Children are observant of everything we do, just like we did with our parents when we were kids. Consciously or subconsciously these observations molded or at least influenced the personalities we have today. The ways we cope with stress in front of our children will develop similar traits to the ways they will cope when stress creeps into their lives. Even when we are stressed to the max on the inside, we need to stay calm and collected on the outside in front of our kids. Kids aren’t dumb, I mean they know when you got things on your mind (that’s being human) but if they see you reacting to stress in a negative way they are going to worry too and that’s not fair. They need to be kids and delight in their childhood.

Next blog will be on the topic of Lead in the Fatherhood PLAN: Stay Tuned and follow!!