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In my previous blog post we explored the importance of spending quality time with your daughter. In this article I want to discuss the equal importance of spending time with your son. Time with your kids is essential if you’re going to build a strong relationship with them. Mentoring your son into manhood is also needed if you’re wanting to pass along positive influences and characteristics into future generations.

“Man Days”, as my son and I refer to our special days that we spend time together happen occasionally throughout the year. During this time, we go out to eat, stop at the park to pass a football, play catch, and have gone fishing. We usually come home and watch a movie/ ballgame together and eat our share of junk food. Just the guys hanging out together and enjoying each other’s company. During these moments we are not only creating memories, but we are also strengthening our father son bond. I really hope these times continue into the teenage years and maybe even longer as well. The other days of the year, besides “man days” are just as important in guiding your son into adulthood, but you got to have fun together and make special days to show them they are important to you and to let yourselves have fun together without the distraction’s life tends to throw at us. The important thing here to keep in focus, is to make the most of your time together and learn to identify teachable moments. Make it your personal mission to shape and mold your son into a good man.

We as men know the challenges and responsibilities that come along with manhood/fatherhood and it’s our responsibility to prepare and guide our sons throughout their transition from boyhood to manhood. How do we do this? I believe it comes down to three basic fundamentals. The desire to be a good dad, having the patience to teach them, and being a man of integrity. Let’s take a brief look into each category.

The desire to be a good Dad

You got to want to be a good dad if you’re going to be a good dad. Simple philosophy, right?  You want to be a good example of a father/man for your son to look up to; and let’s face it, to learn from. Boys need a strong positive male influence in their lives, especially when they are young. This will build trust between the two of you, especially as he grows up and you will be a valuable role model for his life.

Your son needs to know without a doubt that he is cared about and that you love him unconditionally. This will be a huge confidence boost for him, and it’s really awesome to watch him try new things because he knows you have his back no matter what. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to tell your son that you love him and that you are proud of him. I have found that a boy who grows up without that security will always be looking for acceptance and validation in most areas of his life.  The good news is that if this thought (desire to be a good dad) is readily on your mind, you have already made the first step towards honorable fatherhood.

Having patience to teach

 Take time to listen to your son and make your time together count. Kids tend to take a slower pace in life, and we have to allow ourselves to do so as well when we’re with them. In reality, I think that is what most of us miss the most from our childhood, at least that’s true for me personally. My son (who is 9) has a lot of questions and thoughts about almost anything when were together. Honestly, it can really wear me down trying and keep up with him. But what if I were to make him feel like what he has to say is not important or had no time to listen to him?  I believe it would hinder us from building a good relationship with each other in the future. He would not bring issues to me when he gets older because he feels he cannot talk to dad.  Boys need to know that what they are saying is validated and heard, just like us as men. When we do this, it builds a strong bond and a trust between the two of you. This is why patience is needed, and kids can tell when you are genuinely investing time into their lives.

We need to identify teachable moments in our sons lives and use those opportunities to mold our sons into good men. When you have a strong bond with each other, and your son respects you, its easier to get the point of the life lesson across because he has confidence in you and values your opinion.

Integrity

I speak a lot about integrity throughout my articles about fatherhood. In my opinion it is one of the most important characteristics of fatherhood. It is important to demonstrate this virtue to your children throughout your life’s journey. They need to know that no matter what we are striving to do the right thing, even if it’s hard to do. This will build the trust they have in us and hopefully you will be a role model for him to follow as he grows up. Along with this we also need to learn to acknowledge and admit when we make mistakes (and we will make mistakes).  We are not perfect people but when you strive to have integrity in your life it makes forgiveness and understanding more achievable because they will know our true intentions. They know we have their best interests at heart and will one day see the struggles we had learning to be good dads, and it is a never-ending learning curve but hopefully we can pass down good virtues into future generations.

Bottomline dads, spend time with your kids and make memories together. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but be willing to learn and teach your sons the right path to take. Be honest, trustworthy, and above all else love and be loved.

As a father spending time with your daughter is important. Starting while they’re young will help build a strong father/daughter relationship and bond between the two of you. Let’s face it you are an involved father you are going to be the first man in their lives, and you are going to set the bar as to how they should be treated later in life by men. We as fathers can and will install in them a sense of value and confidence they deserve as the grow into the person they were created to be.

I’ve unfortunately seen girls who have a very low self-worth and let people treat them badly. They are searching for something they never really had. In most cases they tend to stay in abusive relationships and make terrible life choices because they never felt love or had the positive attention they undoubtedly yearn from a father figure. We must do better as dads and need to be aware of the role we have in our children’s lives. We can’t be selfish individuals as fathers, we have to grow up and realize it’s not totally about us anymore. We have a responsibility as a man to lead and show our children how valuable and precious they are. It saddens me when I meet children who don’t have the type of dads they need, and unfortunately will lead to future generations of problems and issues with the family.

Date nights are a simple way to show your daughter that you care about them and want to spend quality time with them. It is better to start when they are young but it’s never too late to start. I’ve found that It doesn’t need to be anything expensive or extravagant, the important thing is you make it about them. A walk in the park, a trip to get ice cream, grab a bite to eat, or do something they think is fun (ask them) are all great ideas to get started out on. The main idea here is to plan it maybe once a month and keep it consistent. After a while they will look forward to it (so will you). Chivalry is not dead, and we as honorable fathers need to show this through example. Make them feel special, open doors for them, listen to what they need to say, show interest in their ambitions and ideas. Show them how they are supposed to be treated. Additionally, always respect their mother as well and never say anything negative about them. Some of you guys are with their mother and some of you are not, the idea here is you are to be honorable and set an example as to how women should be treated. As I’ve said in other articles, children know if you are being fake or genuine, always be a genuine man if you are going to be an honorable father.

As with many things in life it’s important to plan these times together and make sure it happens. Don’t let issues or work get in the way because it will if you let it. When your daughter sees this, she will know that she is a main priority in your life and she will know your serious about being involved in her life. When she gets older, and the boys do start coming around she will hopefully be able to identify if someone is treating her right or not. If your like me you want a bar set high enough so eventually when the right one comes along you will know the chances are greater that he’s going to treat her with the respect and honor she deserves and that she will not tolerate any less. Spend time with your daughters and be a great dad!!

The pressure of fatherhood is real, if you’re trying to be a good dad. The weight of the world is on your shoulders it seems; Bills, jobs, responsibilities, the list goes on and on. It can be overwhelming and give us anxiety and stress in a world never seems to slow down. Can you relate?

We have to be intentional in spending time with our kids or life will find a way to fill any spare time spaces in our lives. How do we find time you might be asking? Well that is what I want to discuss in this article and hopefully help you in some way if you’re looking for some ideas.

Be intentional with your time.

We’re only one person and we only have so much time in a day. If you’re like me you have to work and our job schedules can be demanding and take most of our time. We have to learn to set boundaries at work and our employers need to know that family comes first. This is not always easy, I understand that but when the work day is over we need to make it our priority to spend quality time with our kids. What I’m talking about is not wasting the time we do have scrolling through social media, playing video games or sinking into a lazyboy to forget the days problems. It’s ok to sit in your vehicle a minute or two to organize your thoughts, but remember when you walk in that front door you become “Dad”. Leave work at work.

Quality over quantity.

Some of us are home every evening and some of us are not. I’ve discovered it’s not necessarily the amount of time we spend with our kids, it’s the quality of the time we do have to be with our kids. Making memorable moments, and being there for them at important events in their lives. That’s what they’re going to cherish in their memories and perspectives of us as a father. Just being a human in their daily existence without being involved or energetic will cause failure in building a meaningful relationship with your child especially as the grow up. So in short, make the most of the time you do have and be focused on building a strong bond with your child.

Write it down/Make it happen

Put time aside on a calendar, make it a priority and try like crazy to not let anything interfere with your plans. It can be as simple as going to the park, fishing, or whatever they like to do. Make it about them, and something they enjoy. If its planned time it’s more likely to happen but if it’s on the fly it can be fun too.

Bottom Line

Make sure your kids know they are a priority in your life. Be intentional with your time spent with them. Be a Great Dad!!

 

In my experience nothing is more truthful than a child. They know if we are lying or doing something wrong. They know if we are being genuine or just going through the motions. Gentlemen, it’s time we put our honor in action. Walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Our children need to know they can count on us as their fathers to do the right things even when it’s hard to do so. They need to know that honor comes from actions, then and only then will our words truly mean something. We will earn the respect we deserve as fathers.

How do we put our honor into action you may ask? It happens by having nobleness in your character as a man. Nobility is defined as the state or quality of being exalted in character and moral excellence. Our kids are always watching us. They notice how we respond to situations in our own lives and we are teaching them without even noticing it, how to deal with stresses, life issues, and responsibilities. They are learning by our actions and we’re influentially programing their moral compass.

Out of all the acronyms in the Fatherhood Plan, Noble is in my opinion the one that will tie all the others together. Provision, Leadership and Availability can all be achieved easier in our lives when Nobility is present. Let’s be honest with ourselves first, when we have good moral character it will show in every corner of our lives and that includes being there for our kids, the way we conduct business, the way we communicate. We are essentially modeling by example what a good man or good father or good husband is when we put it into action with a good moral character.

 Have you ever had a person in your life that you considered a good person? A person who you could count on to be honest and trusted? I would bet they had a good moral character and did what was right. Is this the kind of man you want to be. If you couldn’t think of anyone, take a look at yourself, wouldn’t you want to be described as this type of person, especially by your children? It’s never too late to change direction in our lives and be the type of dad your kids need and rightly deserve. Start doing what is right today and lead a noble life.

 

 

Being there and being available for your children is a very valuable attribute to the Fatherhood PLAN. Availability shows your child you are interested in their lives and value them because that is where you choose to spend your time and attention. This in turn will cause a child to feel loved, safe and secure, heard and appreciated. I know its not always an easy task to be available all the time. Life tends to get in the way at times. We have jobs and have deadlines, stresses and burdens that children do not fully comprehend when they are young. This is unquestionably a hard act to balance and we will address priorities and time management in future articles but what I want to address in this portion is more about small moments when we are with our children and having meaningful quality time together.

“Dad, Dad, Dad” comes to my ears about 100 times a day from my 8 year old, wanting to explain something to me when my attention may be somewhere else. He usually wants to show me a playback on his football video game or tell me a joke that he heard from school. I sometimes have my nose buried into a phone or computer, but I have to make myself give him my full attention he deserves when he asks for it. One day and when he was younger he taught me a valuable lesson. That day, he had something to tell me that was important to him and I wasn’t paying attention very well and was distracted by something on my phone. I kept giving him halfhearted answers and not looking at him. He climbed up in my lap, took my head and turned it towards him to look in his eyes. Very seriously he said, “Dad, you need to listen to me”. I knew he was right, and I promised myself that day I would give my kids the attention they deserve, I’m still not perfect at it at all times but that lesson he taught me resurfaces when I know I’m not listening to them like they need me to.

These are the moments, we need to take into careful consideration. If I would not have acknowledged him after that moment imagine how he would of felt. Our kids want our attention. They need it and need us to show interest in what they have to say. If they know when there young that they can come to us about anything, then when there older and have more in-depth life concerns and problems they will feel comfortable coming to us and know that you actually care. This is what being a Dad is about.

I have told myself that if my kids ever need help with anything or need to talk, I’m going to make sure I am available for them as long as there is breath in my lungs. At 43 years of age, I sometimes wish I had been a better father at 23. But Fathers, our kids need us! Distractions are everywhere, but we have to be careful that they don’t take away from the availability of our time from what is truly important. Start today to consciously make yourself give your full attention to your family.