In my previous blog post we explored the importance of spending quality time with your daughter. In this article I want to discuss the equal importance of spending time with your son. Time with your kids is essential if you’re going to build a strong relationship with them. Mentoring your son into manhood is also needed if you’re wanting to pass along positive influences and characteristics into future generations.
“Man Days”, as my son and I refer to our special days that we spend time together happen occasionally throughout the year. During this time, we go out to eat, stop at the park to pass a football, play catch, and have gone fishing. We usually come home and watch a movie/ ballgame together and eat our share of junk food. Just the guys hanging out together and enjoying each other’s company. During these moments we are not only creating memories, but we are also strengthening our father son bond. I really hope these times continue into the teenage years and maybe even longer as well. The other days of the year, besides “man days” are just as important in guiding your son into adulthood, but you got to have fun together and make special days to show them they are important to you and to let yourselves have fun together without the distraction’s life tends to throw at us. The important thing here to keep in focus, is to make the most of your time together and learn to identify teachable moments. Make it your personal mission to shape and mold your son into a good man.
We as men know the challenges and responsibilities that come along with manhood/fatherhood and it’s our responsibility to prepare and guide our sons throughout their transition from boyhood to manhood. How do we do this? I believe it comes down to three basic fundamentals. The desire to be a good dad, having the patience to teach them, and being a man of integrity. Let’s take a brief look into each category.
The desire to be a good Dad
You got to want to be a good dad if you’re going to be a good dad. Simple philosophy, right? You want to be a good example of a father/man for your son to look up to; and let’s face it, to learn from. Boys need a strong positive male influence in their lives, especially when they are young. This will build trust between the two of you, especially as he grows up and you will be a valuable role model for his life.
Your son needs to know without a doubt that he is cared about and that you love him unconditionally. This will be a huge confidence boost for him, and it’s really awesome to watch him try new things because he knows you have his back no matter what. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to tell your son that you love him and that you are proud of him. I have found that a boy who grows up without that security will always be looking for acceptance and validation in most areas of his life. The good news is that if this thought (desire to be a good dad) is readily on your mind, you have already made the first step towards honorable fatherhood.
Having patience to teach
Take time to listen to your son and make your time together count. Kids tend to take a slower pace in life, and we have to allow ourselves to do so as well when we’re with them. In reality, I think that is what most of us miss the most from our childhood, at least that’s true for me personally. My son (who is 9) has a lot of questions and thoughts about almost anything when were together. Honestly, it can really wear me down trying and keep up with him. But what if I were to make him feel like what he has to say is not important or had no time to listen to him? I believe it would hinder us from building a good relationship with each other in the future. He would not bring issues to me when he gets older because he feels he cannot talk to dad. Boys need to know that what they are saying is validated and heard, just like us as men. When we do this, it builds a strong bond and a trust between the two of you. This is why patience is needed, and kids can tell when you are genuinely investing time into their lives.
We need to identify teachable moments in our sons lives and use those opportunities to mold our sons into good men. When you have a strong bond with each other, and your son respects you, its easier to get the point of the life lesson across because he has confidence in you and values your opinion.
Integrity
I speak a lot about integrity throughout my articles about fatherhood. In my opinion it is one of the most important characteristics of fatherhood. It is important to demonstrate this virtue to your children throughout your life’s journey. They need to know that no matter what we are striving to do the right thing, even if it’s hard to do. This will build the trust they have in us and hopefully you will be a role model for him to follow as he grows up. Along with this we also need to learn to acknowledge and admit when we make mistakes (and we will make mistakes). We are not perfect people but when you strive to have integrity in your life it makes forgiveness and understanding more achievable because they will know our true intentions. They know we have their best interests at heart and will one day see the struggles we had learning to be good dads, and it is a never-ending learning curve but hopefully we can pass down good virtues into future generations.
Bottomline dads, spend time with your kids and make memories together. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, but be willing to learn and teach your sons the right path to take. Be honest, trustworthy, and above all else love and be loved.
Forging Honor & Integrity Into Fatherhood 